I remember the moment I got my BFP (big fat positive) for the first time. It really was a magical moment.

It was a Sunday night early January 2020, I’d just arrived home from a weekend in Brighton with my girlfriends and my husband was waiting for me with a pregnancy test in hand. I was five or so days late onto my period, grouchy and tired but convinced my period was about to show up. My husband on the other hand was not, he was confident that this was it. This was our turn!

So I got myself into my pjs, went to the bathroom and did the Clearblue digital pregnancy test. Despite me believing there was no way I was pregnant, I still felt incredibly nervous. I had butterflies in my stomach and I couldn’t face waiting in the bathroom, staring at the test waiting to see if a second blue line appeared. When you’re waiting to see if your life is about to change forever, three minutes feels like a painfully long time.

Three minutes up, I slowly walked to the bathroom and peaked my head through the door and creeped slowly to the pregnancy test on the side. Two very strong blue lines visible… I WAS PREGNANT!!!!!

Wow. That feeling of seeing those two blue lines. They really were so strong as well, I couldn’t believe my eyes. Shaking even more than I was before, I cried to my husband that I “think” we’re pregnant. I had to get him to check the test multiple times, read the instructions again and again just to make sure I hadn’t read it wrong. But I hadn’t .. we really were pregnant!!

We hugged, we cried and we started planning for our family. Girl or boy? I can’t wait to tell our family! Should we move to a bigger place? Do you think baby will say daddy or mummy first? Just like that, our dreams were coming true with those two blue lines. Our ‘baby P’ was settled into my tummy and as far as we knew, we were going to be a mummy and daddy.

I sat all night long with the pregnancy test on my lap, fearing to let it go incase it was all just a dream. Every so often I’d turn to my husband and say, “Lee, we’re going to be parents..”. It was the most beautiful feeling in the world and in that moment, both our hearts were so full.

Whilst I no longer have my pregnancy test, I did document the moment with a photo that now sits on my husbands bedside table as a reminder of that special moment. I often find myself staring at the photo to remind myself of what we had and how I felt in that moment. It serves as a reminder of hope, hope that one day we’ll get to feel all of that all over again and more.

From the narrative, you can probably guess that we lost our precious baby and I’ll go on to tell you about that in the coming blog. For now, if you’re reading this I’m wishing you so much strength and lots of baby dust through your fertility journey!

Love, Sophie xx

If you want to read more of my story, head over to my blog space: www.sprinkleofbabydust.com/blog