Albert Einstein said that doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results, is a form of insanity. And he’s right, it really is. This is one of the reasons why me and my husband have made the difficult decision to move to a new IVF clinic and begin our journey all over again, only this time with a degree of knowledge under our belts.

When we were first referred to our IVF specialist, we felt so lucky that we landed with someone as experienced and lovely as our consultant. From our very first consultation, she made us feel at ease and filled us with confidence that whilst the good old-fashioned way of having a baby wasn’t working for us, she was sure that IVF would.

Our consultant from the very beginning has always been reliable, trusted, supportive, dedicated to us and honest with us. She has never over-promised anything and has always set our expectations throughout our entire time together. She’s laughed with us and she’s been upset for us too, with each unsuccessful transfer. From the get-go, she encouraged me to text her whenever I needed a question answering or a little bit of extra support. At first, I was nervous to become personally and emotionally reliant on our consultant and I didn’t want to feel like a nuisance either, but as the months went on and we got to know her, we hand on heart trusted her completely and had every faith she would help us achieve our dreams of becoming a mummy and a daddy.

It was selfish of us to set such high expectations of her, but our consultant whilst realistic, was also so positive with each new transfer that her faith in the process for us was contagious.  

What I really respected about our consultant was that she listened to us even when we challenged her, and she consistently took her time to walk us through reasons for and against specific tests we requested over time that she didn’t necessarily agree with. She would jokingly laugh at how much time I would spend gathering my own research on IVF add-ons and alternative therapies, but never once judged me or shut me down. Yes, she disagreed with us a lot in terms of the tests we were asking for but only because her belief was that a lot of the tests weren’t evidence based and therefore not scientifically proven to be of any benefit. And it was a fair point to be made, as her opinion is in line with the add-ons listed and marked amber or red on the HFEA website.

Despite the above, we were never stagnant with our consultant and with each failure we investigated something new. After my first unsuccessful transfer, I had a HyCoSy to check for blockages in my fallopian tubes (all clear). After my second unsuccessful transfer, we had further blood tests that showed I had a raised anti-cardiolipin and would require aspirin and heparin with my next transfer. Following my chemical pregnancy with my third (double) transfer, I had a Hysteroscopy to examine the inside of my womb (all clear) and karyotype (genetic) testing on both myself and my husband (all normal, big yay!) We’ve ticked all of the evidence-based tests off our list and whilst it’s so positive and reassuring to know they’re all clear with nothing to be concerned about, it’s frustrating that we don’t have answers to help us move forward with confidence that this will work for us.

We’re tired of hearing that we’re just having ‘bad luck’ and to keep going because ‘we’re young’ and it will work for us.

When you’ve been knocked down as many times as we have, and when your heart is pulsing with so much pain and defeat, it’s hard to accept that there isn’t any given reason for your failure in becoming and staying pregnant. When you lose hope in the process, then it’s much harder to deal with the hardship of each failure. And that is why we decided to change clinics.

We simply needed to find our spark again and reignite the hope we had when we first started this process.

We talked about it at length, spent hours and days researching new clinics using the HFEA website to help us narrow our search. We made a list of what is important to us in a clinic and in a doctor such as distance from home, success rates and a consultant that specialises in recurrent miscarriage and implantation failure. We needed a clinic that would tailor the treatment plan to our needs, who wouldn’t accept the ‘unexplained infertility’ diagnosis and who would offer more than just the standard IVF practice that we had already experienced. We were searching for clinics who are the best in their field, who are willing to explore more with us and who also specialise in controversial investigations in the IVF world, such as immune testing. Once we narrowed our search to two clinics, we booked consultations with a chosen doctor from each of them and listened intently as they outlined their proposed treatment plan for us.

The clinic we have settled with is a brilliant clinic with amazing success rates and a consultant who once again, made us feel welcome and confident that we are in trusted hands with her. What I really liked about this clinic is that they didn’t want to rush into a treatment plan until they had really understood my natural cycle and ran some further tests of their own. The consultant was also very gentle and reassured us to hold on to hope and repeat positive affirmations, believing that this journey is as much about our mental state as it is the physical. We both left this consultation feeling much more positive, energised but most of all, calm.

It has been hard to leave our current consultant, the loyalty in me felt like we were betraying her, but she was really supportive and understanding that we just needed a fresh start. Once again, she reassured us never to give up and that she has every faith we will get our rainbow one day soon. And I believe we will too.

We have decided to proceed with a fresh cycle which means a second egg retrieval before using our two remaining embryos from cycle one. I never thought that we would be in this situation, preparing for another egg collection and whilst it continues to be a really tough journey with lots of hurdles and upset, we’re going into this with new hope and a positive mindset. Together, hand-in-hand and one step closer to our beautiful Baby P.

So, wish us luck as we start this journey once again with an open heart and lots of love.

Love, Sophie xx