It’s a Saturday morning and as I’m sat here thinking about what to write for my very first blog post, I think about all that I’ve gone through in the past year and decide that I guess there’s no better place to start than the present.

This morning I had my BFN (big fat negative) following my second IVF cycle and first FET (frozen embryo transfer). Myself and my husband are absolutely heartbroken that we find ourselves in this position yet again.

This time felt different than the first time. I felt more positive, I was calmer and I was confident that this would be our turn. I followed the rules to the letter and more. I invested in acupuncture, I ate pineapple core, I drank pomegranate juice and ate Brazil nuts. I took my medicine religiously, rested like I was told to and gently exercised to help with blood flow to my uterus. I took time off work to relax and I kept my feet warm! I literally did EVERYTHING and yet it didn’t work.

I guess it just wasn’t meant to be. Our perfect little embaby didn’t stick, and I have no answers as to why that is.

You see, IVF is a numbers game. There is no guarantee that it will work each time, but you put yourself through it anyway because the thought of not doing everything you can to have a baby is more than your heart can take.

I write this blog through tears, my heart in pieces yet again. Grieving for a baby that is yet to be. As Chandler spoke in F.R.I.E.N.D.S, I’m a mother without a baby.

My intention in starting this blog is to open up the conversation around miscarriage, loss and IVF. Whilst I’m no professional or medical expert, I have myself gone through a natural miscarriage and two failed IVF cycles so I’m pretty well versed in all the complex and muddy emotions that sit alongside this very rotten fertility journey.

I will share my personal experience, my thoughts and my emotions in the hope that you can take some strength and find solace through my words. I don’t want this blog to be a place of sadness, I want it instead to be a place of hope for others who are maybe facing their own difficult or complex journeys. I want you to know that no matter what this journey throws at you, you are stronger than it.

My journey to conceiving a healthy baby is my Everest, and I won’t give up trying until I’m holding my sweet rainbow in my arms.

To all of you out there on this same fertility road, I wish you so much strength and baby dust.

Love Sophie x

Ps. I’ll be posting more blogs over the coming weeks, so head over to my blog space to read more: www.sprinkleofbabydust.com/blog