I’m tired. I’m bruised. I’m nervous. But I’m also feeling really, really hopeful and positive for our egg collection tomorrow morning. 

Changing clinics and starting all over again with a new protocol has been refreshing and very much needed. It’s been a completely new experience for me, and every single day has been changed up by my doctors to give me the very best chance of success. I have faith in them, and I have faith that my body is doing what it needs to do because of how closely monitored I’ve been. 

One of the reasons we chose this clinic is because of its reputation for being the best at what they do, and because they’re one of the only clinics who monitor you daily and tweak your daily dose of medicine depending on how well your body is responding to the many drugs it’s consuming.

It’s been a very demanding process and like I said, I’m tired. I’ve never taken so much medication over one period before, and I really underestimated how much of a physical strain this protocol would place on me. I genuinely thought I could keep doing everything I was doing in my normal life alongside this treatment. But the reality of it has been very different. 

My social life was the first to go. I’m on steroids for this treatment to help suppress my overactive immune system and with Covid-19, we’ve had to self-isolate as much as possible. But then I also had to step back from my full-time job in advertising which makes me feel vulnerable, exposed and quite frankly at the time, I felt embarrassed. 

Eight days into treatment and I couldn’t physically keep up with the demands of both work and my clinic. I felt like I was failing in work by not being able to be 100% all in but then I also felt like I wasn’t allowing myself the best chance of success with my IVF treatment because I was constantly stressed, overworked, and exhausted. A call to my GP and I was signed off to focus on my treatment and reduce my stress levels. And wow, was it needed. 

Stepping back has allowed me to remove stressors from my life and just breathe my way through this treatment one day at a time, and that’s all I can do. I’ve been able to rest more throughout the day, which is very much needed when your first wake up call to start injections is at 4.30am. 

First injection done, a glass of milk down (for added protein, fyi) and a very sleepy, quick fix of oneself later, it’s then time to head to my clinic. The 7.30am daily blood tests started off as a breeze compared to anything else, but eleven days in and having sometimes two blood tests a day has left my arms tender and with slight purple bruising. The scans every couple of days and then daily from week two became tiresome as anticipation and nerves continued to build; at one stage, I genuinely felt my ‘nu na’ tighten as Wanda tried to make her way in. My ‘va ja’ wasn’t having any of it, being tired itself from all the prodding and poking it’s had to endure. 

Each day I sit eagerly by my phone waiting for the nurse to call with my daily instructions of what dose of medicine to take. Sometimes I’ve been given the instruction to take XX dose “right now”, which occasionally meant doing it in a dark underground car park, delicately unpacking the drugs and needles from our cool bag and measuring up on the arm rest of the car interior. I can only imagine what those passing thought we were up to…

In the beginning, my left ovaries were being stubborn and wanted more rest so my medicine was significantly increased to give them a wakeup call. This included adding in more oral medication on top of further high dose stim injections a day. In total, it’s been a minimum of four injection sites a day, leaving my belly bloated, blue and bruised. 

But I’m still standing, and most importantly I’m still smiling. Is it painful? Absolutely yes. Am I exhausted? Couldn’t be more tired. Will I give up? Never. I am doing all of this for a very good reason, and I pray every single day that each jab, swallow, prod and poke will lead me down a path of success to Baby P. 

Tomorrow is egg collection day, and for today that’s my only focus. I’ve worked so hard and come so far to prepare my body for this great task, and I can only stay positive and pray that I’m rewarded with a good number of healthy, mature and beautiful golden eggs that will be paired with my husband’s super swimmers when they meet again for their arranged marriage tomorrow! 

So please, keep us in your thoughts and pray we have success!

Baby dust and love,

Sophie xx